today very sian........flared up with some1.....tot tings tru.....maybe i was a little harsh on my words.....-.-.....since the holidays never feel so angry be4.......never so angry with frens be4.......now feel damn bad......whole body worned out.......leg throbbing with pain......

tis whole week feeling very fustrated and stressed.....make evry1 disillusioned with me....at home parents kau bei......in sch frens and teacher prob......so much hw.....tests.....

i dun care already......i feel worse if ppl assume that i am responsible or whatever crap.....i am not.....ther are many skeletons in my closet....tak short temper 4 example.....i try to tak tings easy and light heartedly but sometimes it is hard.....i am not the nice guy i seem to be....so pls do not assume tings no matter gd or bad...

Just wish to say tad during the confrontation i said stuff i did'nt really mean.....hope we can still be frens.....ya....to say the truth i was already not happy yesterday but did'n really say anyting cause i scared tis ting might happ.....

haix....emotionally and physically drained..... maybe tomorrow go talk to her again....if everybody is calm....make tings clear.....settle the dispute once and 4 all.....

today went home slp
wake up
go com
go check email
some1 sent someting teling me not to be so materialistic and be contend already
go my blog
some1 wan to box me
go to other ppl blog
finally go her blog
my fault
cannot tak it
go online
confront her
she angry
i angry
dunno who angrier
dunno who in the wrong
dam pissed
too pissed

dunno wads goin to happ
maybe its just me
cause i am surrounded by these ppl

to all those who try to help me
thanks for the encoragement
thanks for lending a listening ear
even to those who were frens wth me in the past
i thk u all

dun wish to comment further

tis days hav been feeling very worn out and my tempers are short....in sch lik losing my patience with almost every1......my faimly members are definetely not helping to mak tings better-.-

i try to keep a cheerful state when people piss me off but it is very difficult......lik swallowing a whole bottle of bitter medicine....the worst is went people go personal with u and u still tak it with a smile.....

i tink even the teachers are against me......-.-

y do i even bother about people's problems....?? i can't even handle my own.....i wan to help....but i m in need of help myself.....i try to help........ but i feel lik my "help" is of no use......feel so useless.....can't even walk properly now......

i sometimes tink about my sec sch days when i and my frens made each other laugh so had until stomach pain........people say i am funny.....i am not....i really wan some1 to make me laugh lik in my sec days.....

"I'm Just A Kid"

I woke up it was 7
I waited till 11
Just to figure out that no one would call
I think i got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own

And here it goes[Chorus:]
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight...

And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own and here it goes

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me

What the **** is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?

Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever

I'm just a kid [repeat x5]
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Nobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me tonight
I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause I'm just a kid tonight

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tis song describe exactly how i feel so nth else to say

i now ok liao la after talking to my fren =D....anyway my previous post not aiming at any1 la just crapping la cause i feelin very down....yea...thks jason at least u still online to chat =).....never underestimate the power of frens haha

today i a bit sian to write wad happen during sch la so i will just write down wad i feeling now....pls note tad i am not directing my comments at any1...just my tots

it just seems tad some ppl really cannot stop gossiping bout others....say I lik dunno who then i like dunno who.....at first ok la but lik a bit -.- liao.....then also ar some ppl tink tad just because we frens then can keep saying a me la i mean if u just say it once in a while i can tahan but i always hear a comment on my pimples everyday i really dam =.= of it liao......another tink is tad again SOME ppl no originality 1 always copy ppl stuff such as wad they do and all those la AND i am really pissed off.....worse still is that they still treat u lik shit even after stealing the ideas.....i would also lik to make clear tad i m currently NOT IN ANY RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY1 so pls stop spreading rumours cause i am very bad about matters of the heart......
YES...there maybe some1 i lik BUT i wun show it and really pls stop prompting...-.-

a ques which has been nagging me..."is change bad?"
i admit i hav defintely changed since my sec sch days but y do my sec frens keep harping on it?
is change really tad bad?
is change evitable?
can we control wheather we will change?
or r we force to by circumstances?
is my fren envious tad i hav changed?
or am i envious of them?

and finally....

hav i changed 4 the better or worse?

i dunno y also but i am feeling very screwed up now....yesterday a good fren claimed tad sometimes cannot control and keep tinking about stuff....its been a long while since i felt lik tad...haizzz....really hope its is not wad i tink it is...

falling......
into the darkness.....
the light dimming....
fading away.....
despair overwhelms...
the pain i feel....
will it disappear...?
loneliness....
as i search my precious memories.....
new frens and old allies
too new to understand.....
so are we still frens...?
the old and loyal friends i see....
the fun times we had imprinted in my memory...
through thick and thin we hav gone
but where are u all now....?
separated....
too far to help....
me drowning in my own misery....

tis is how i felt during the first few months but never really able to put in words....
dunno y i now so depressed and angry.....lik sudenly feel alone in the world lidat...=.=

i mak tis a short 1 la cause need to mug..-.-....today woke up at bout 2pm lidat kena acused wrongly by my brother then wrongly scolded by my father...-.-....then later go slp again cause bo liao and started work at 8.....fineished my chinese at 9++ to 10 lidat then very happy until too high to continue studying bio....anyway i need mug bio liao cause got test tomorow haiz....

today was a very long day.....i edited the class blog(even added a song to it=))until 2++ then went to pick roy and another fren to teach o level chem....apparently he basics also not strong and so i had to go tru teach tins such as wad is atom, ion and compound....tis roy not taking o level....so he killed time by messing up my room-.- even mak my sephiroth figurine pose like kanasai....but then while he rampaging tru my jc papers he found yi hui,nat and stevens geog test paper which i tot i lost long ago....anyway they left at bout 5 and i went to slp...ZZZZ

i woke up at 12 and went to meet chen boon and goldfish at bout 2+.....while waiting 4 siew ling, we went to buy the bbq stuff first...but dunno leh....lik chen boonz and jie ying taoing me tad time but maybe its just me.....when siew ling come...we went to my house and i showed her the SEPHIROTH in kingdom hearts game(yea!!!sephiroth rulezzz!!!) nat and gang came later and they play games such as chocobo racing and x-men vs street fighter(all siew lings 1 cause my ps1 discs either lost or give away ='(...) also realised tad honren very pro at the games =)

at bout 5++ we went to set up bbq stuff.....i, siew ling, chen boon and goldfish went to pick up yanshuang and wenqi but be4 i went i remembered i told the others to start the fire and cook the stuff....however when we returned at 7+, the food not cook yet....apparently i forgot to bring the food down la...so i ask them y never tell me but they say my instructions not clear and so they went to play the water guns first....-.-...fine...but worse still is tad sharmin, yi hui, yanshuang and chen boon needed to go back by 9.30.....at tad moment i was lik shit la but in the end managed to replanned everyting to suit the limited time.

the bday ceremony was a success altough the candles on the cake were unlighted due to my lighter faulty then yanshuang had to pretend to blow the imaginary flames lol....aft yanshuang they all left........ i, chen boon, honren, siew lin, nat and goldfish continued to swim(maybe play in water a better word to describe la)...in the end the girlz toilet locked so we decided to let the girlz use th boys toilet aft the boys change finish....while waiting...i joked about offing the light while honren inside alone changing then tis kai heng really go and off....but when he try to on back cannot on(actually is because got power trip) then honren tink is kaiheng fault the light got prob lol...(also found out tad honren scared of the dark like goldfish hehehex)...soooo...the girlz went to my house to change then goldfish say i got tummy and i tio stun cause i do sit up regularly when i check dun hav la its the stomach muscle without the pack lines la... -.-"....later...i went to get the guyz to pack up (dunno y la but got 2 stupid guards chasing us 4 dunno wad la i also dun care cause we also planning on leaving liao)....after tad we said our goodbyes.....overall....today was quite fun la =)

today i also realised y hanging out or bbqing with my sec frens mor fun.....firstly is tad they all dun lik leave halfway when we doing smt "big" such as bbq...the second reason is tad they very enthu about stuff such as during bbq they will volunteer to do stuff such as cook when no 1 wans to do it and wun lik do tings halfway then dun care liao do other tings.....the third reason is tad they all dun act pro and even if they are pro they are humble.....i am not saying tad my jc frens not fun la but maybe its because some of my sec frens are from ncc and kena influenced and those who are not also influence by us.....anyway i now verrry tired go slp liao haha

Yesterday and today got alot of tings happ yupz first of all is tad kai heng finally got own blog!!!!yay!!!then i keep going to his accand posted a testimonial 4 him hehex....then i post on boonz blog also...finally logged off at 2+ then too tired so never blog anymore haha...then got stupid ting happ...at about 4+ lidat tis chia hsien miss call me 2 times...as some ppl no i usually put my hp at the end of the table beside my bed to charge then i have to stumble all the way to the hp if any1 calls...-.-"..sooo....when he called the third time i went to get my phone and stubbed my toes in the process....then tad bugger ask me:"ay?...u not slping ar?" i said:"no..i still doin homework..." then he say got a very imp ques to ask me and the ques is "ionic or covelent bond stronger?"...-.-" anyway i told him i dunno and went back to bed but cannot sleep so in the end i only slept lik about 1 to 2 hrs.....

anyway today was a usual sch day and i realised that in cl class i tend to crap a lot...maybe its to hide my incompetentcy in cl la...haizz...anyway today play pepsi cola again damn fun =P....then also got a few tings happ with kai heng today(if u wan to no u may visit his blog cause i blog wad happ to me and kai heng on his blog lol)

=)

credit

Oya ....BTW...i forget to credit the MOST IMPORTANT person....yea....he is the 1 who forced me to create tis nice little blog hehex...his name is TSUNEHARU!!!....he is not only my 4 yrs fren but also my fellow FINAL FANTASY buddy!!!! yea!!!! and now he is also in YJC!!!....u can find his link at my link section... hahax

today had a really "fun" day...first was ct period...where i saboed jie ying goldfish he-she-she-he to be asst ct rap...but actually help her sia...tad time she say wad want port folio to be better so need leadership post such as ogl...then geog and cl is "boring" and "lousy plan"...the bio lecturer change to forgot which teacher liao and she seems ok la...but her way of teaching got a bit the similar to mr duncans<5> lol....at bio tutorial today....kai heng damn heng never kena caught by mr duncan cause he never do essay ques.....he was lik sitting next to me and mr duncan just walked past us without seeing haha....then later on we formed grps to discuss quesand i and honren keep making fun of goldfish jieying he-she-she-he and kai heng's unique way of speaking...damn "fun"...aft sch we all no cca so i did my gp work, bought my pe shorts and badge...at the same time imitating and teasing kai heng until he say honren is "evil man" LOL....i and boonz also changed our cca to BSC<=buay song club by honren> which is biological science club....
at bout 6....we left to north point to meet steven they all and had dinner...it was "good plan" but i feel tad steven dissapointed with me cause we never talk...
aft the dinner i went home without taking neo prints cause i wanted to do some chem but in the end never do any cause chatting on msn..."lousy plan"
today boonz also commented tad boys are very negative and hav a lot of pride....i felt tad its quite tru la especially the pride part but i dun tink all boys are negative?...i dunno la...now no mood to tink...then must at least "reference" siew ling's work...oya then jie ying also "good plan" make blog 4 kai heng...yay..now will get to bond better with the class =P "good plan""fun""not boring" haha..

WHEW!!! finally finished my bio essay marathon challenge =.= ....its lik i only found out that must finish the ques today and i was lik...wth!!! i never even touch tad topic yet!!! sigh....been havin late nites and i can feel tad my cough is getting worse> and the antibiotics the doctor giv lik no use lidat....also dunno if the doctor no how much i suffering....worse ting is tomorow must PIA CHEM!!!=.= ...really feel lik crap.....but anyway...i hope to update my blog somting lik everyday or once every 2 days but maybe its lik siew ling say "ambitious" yea....can't keep up with my hw still wan to upate everyday....evryday must drag myself out of bed then go lecture tutorial very hard to keep myself awake....
today sch was not too bad la but also a bit slack cause got a few "introducing sessions"....then i realised tad im almost lik late 4 every lesson? must keep track of clss next time so wun lose them or else late again.....during chem, because of some1 la then i late and mr wong say we all must sing sch song and dance the mass dance...then tad som1 really never get whack be4 say "so fun i wan to do 1 leh" =.=
anyway i hope i can hold out till sat cause im feeling very sick of being sick and got a few times in sch lik very dizzy lidat then i can go see tad useless doctor again...

OOOK...finally added a tagboard...hehx credit actually goes to goldfish sister cause i am so very noob at tis kind of stuff and boon 4 stressing me<>....anyway added a few links from www.battleon.com which i tink is quite nice la so go check it out later when ya hav the time =P
oya today<> we were given our new time table and it is lik so screwed up...2 prac session in 1 day!!! wth!!! but we also got to see some new classmates too...altough didnt really talk to them but well its only the first day...then alot of ppl look very diff in the yjc uniform 4 example boonz and wei hao...i feel tad they look more mature....yup...also happen today is the banding of the cl class....i got into the same class as siew ling, nat they all but a friend got to the last band.....then is lik i feel tad i shld be the 1 goin to the tad class cause tad person's cl is definetly better then mine...worse still is tad during the cl lesson the teacher ask me to say my O lev cl score which is a D7<>but she then said in front of the whole class tad i shld go to the last band O.O ...haiz...

crapping

HI every1....tis is my first time blogging so if anyting pls tell me online...yea
anyway thers nt much time (boon rushing me =P) so i just crap a few tings first...
tis blog is just starting so a few tings are nt complete such as the tagbod and the front colour and also BTW.... tis blog does not represent the tru me...yup...cause as i was making it i dunno wheather i was in sephiroth shoes or mine....erm...well i guess it is supp to me mine but ill edit it another time =P...oya song nice rite =)....tis did not come with the skin OOK....it was my many hrs of trial and error which brought tis blog...hmmm ok i guess ill just stop here first...more on myself next time!!! see ya!!

hi

hi