not feeling well. my stomach has been churning lik a broken washing machine since fri. dunnoy also so tired. So sian. i feel like i have nothing to look forward to. Even the arrival of the new com that ive been pestering my dad to get isn't getting me excited. I have no motivation. right now i feel like an empty shell.

Stupid dell. The new com supp to come today in the end delay to thurs.

thinking of nothing. And yet my heart feels so heavy. thoughts go and pass too fast for me to grasp them. Maybe im just tired. it all be better tmr morning =)

wasted 3 hrs of my life on maths yesterday. had tution on thurs but realise i forgot everything. To those of u guys who claim u all " never study", i know u guys did. looks like ur words only can believe half only. so whatever it is, good luck to those who took the block test =)

Anyway, after the test we went a round looking for a lan shop. most of the lan shops were full. In the end we went to amokio play lan. Be4 that went eat sumo bento. the food was cheap but not as cheap as kh describe lol. The lan shop there sux like the 1 in plaza sing beside speedy. The coms dun have some games, its lik the location of the games are completely random.

SO we play dota and were trashed (cause kh was the only pro player there) then we played CnC tiberium wars. wanted to play zero hour but joel keep saying old game not nice. lol whatever lor i just feel that i dun lik playing tiberium wars cos i dun even noe wad each unit are and cannot guess cos " too technologically advanced" for me. The building sistem is also diff from other strategy games ive played so far.

Aft playing went home and saw xue min and pek ha at the interchange. tok tok a bit then see qin yi and fiona then they ignore me until i say hi to them. so tau. Went home slp, then go play dota with kx.

looking forward to the dota game today cos got new player :)

My mp3 randomed this song for me. long time since i heard it.


Should I Stay

by Dreamz FM

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Eventhough I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

feel lik eating shushimi. but there is a shortage of tuna!!! never mind la i prefer salmon more. also feel lik wating carl's junior. never eat before.

Tmr is geog paper. haven study. later try read a bit. cos i feel that study geog no point. always fail. maybe my answing method wrong. The current teacher also sux i feel. i prefer miss selvi lor. although she everytime scold us but she teach very step by step and i like.

anyway, no hope for this block test liao. i guess i will have to work harder on the next 1.

hmmm long time never drink beer liao. anyway i also dun lik the taste. but i like the feeling. when i drink, i feel mature and that i can leave my problems behind. teh company helps too as i only drink if got ppl i noe. hmmm not tad i feel lik drinking also. dunno y i tok rubbish.

for those that are depressed out there, very sorry but there is nothing much i can do. i also feeling very down. i dun wan to say u can call me or anything cos i feeling very loner since beginning of this year already. Study hard and get out of this god damned place and im sure u will feel much better. i'll be trying to do the same too.

ARGH I CAN'T GET ANYTHING INTO MY GOD DAM HEAD!!!! screw it. my father got tix for transformers tmr night. screw that too. -.-

i not studying liao la. nothing going in also. i absent mindedly stare at the paper for 15 mins. then i realise wad i doing then try to mentally read the words but after a while stone again.

WAD IS THISS!!!! WADS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!

damit.

wah today bio was a killer la. lik study or dun study also no diff cos the question totally never see be4 1. Anyway im desperately trying to get smt in my head for chembut it seems that nothings going in. i can stare at the paper for 10 mins and realise im onl the same page lol.

somebody save me!!!! i guess its unavoidable. my fate is sealed. i can only redeem myself aft the tests -.-

I CANT FOCUS!!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!! *goes into frenzy*

so tired. tired tired tired. *sung to the "so horny" tune*

tmr is bio and i haven revise photosynthesis and evolution!!! *mendalian genetics too but i think i will skip that =)* i guess bo bian must wake up early study tmr... haizzzzz....

really wish i had studied cos the way i see it, the subjects aren't really that hard to study lor. But now if wan last minute study got too many things to mem -.-

btw chem paper 2 is ONLY 45 MINS!!! O.O didint notice that till joel pointed it out. cool. means can no need go sch on that day....?

hmmm nothing else to write about. dunno y ginny want me blog also -.- nobody wants to read bout my boring life anyway =.=

hello scornofearth,

been a while since we've last met huh? sorry for my inconsistant visits ya? Things have been very chaotic lately. Two of my relatives passed away last week. 1 died of some illness. It was sudden. But not as sudden as the death of her brother 2 days later. Apparently he could not take the shock. im not close to them but my mum is. so she had to leave to malaysia with my dad to attend the funeral.

ever since that day, ive been noticing many things that i usually overlook. Keep thinking of my sec sch days and wishing i could be there forever. we were childish, but it was fun. Now everybody has change to be more mature. Unknowingly i have too although it is hard to admit. Things that were once fun are no more fun now. Those days of teasin ppl, wrestling and bullying friends. i also see my youngest brother and see myself in him. Lazy, but lik to draw and play. skinny, picky, scared of the world, the unknown.

i still am who i am last time. stubborn as always, afraid of formalities and authorities. full of angst.

tmr is the start ofthe test week. Haven study much. gonna flunk. gonna let every1 down. Sorry guys, all those promises about scoring better, Im afraid i cant keep them. So sorry everyone.

its been soooooo long since i blog. perhaps some of u tot i had died from that sickness huh?!!

* crawls out from the grave*

well anyway, i dun feel lik blogging anymore. somehow i do not have the zest i had in my sec sch years anymore. Almost everyday im feeling depressed and down. i think i am suffering from down syndrome.

kk just joking about above. yesterday i slack whole day. felt so good. and i feel bad bout it. HEY i just made a paradox!

kx asked me: "when am i going to start studying" i didnt noe how to reply so i just gave my standard ans i always give when facing this kind of situation. "soon"
how soon? well seriously ive also always asked myself when ill start studying. i have a short attention span so i dunno la k bye.

couldn't sleep last night. whole body aching like siao and temp was 39.1 degree. Morning went see doctor and he supp to give me 2 day mc but my mum dowan. in the end he only give monday mc. Now body still aching. whenever slp then wake up my whole body dam pain and got headache so dowan slp altough tired. Never do any hw also. I hope hw dun pile up haizz...

all my medicines. so many 0.o

My current temp =( whole body aching...

havin a fever right now...my whole body is aching and when and i can taste the back of my throat when i cough. temperature 38.6 degree isit high? i dunno but i noe i feel lik crap now.

Anyway i went for the medical screening yest. My parents brought me there. Had to do blood test la, dental la, x ray la, all this. then aft tad need to take some IQ test. i swear the questions were overwheming. for 1 hr + i stayed in that com lab doing ques after ques. then got 1 section i skipped it accidentally as i was pressing the next button too fast then they say "u have completed this ques" .....

aft tad my parents brought me home and they were dam naggy la. =.=

ate char kuay tiao for lunch.

realise youtube is taking down all the Bleach anime * NOOOOO i will never go to you tube again...* Lucky i found another website which contains anime download for free =)

Supp to go Singapore poly meet farah then meet kx but i didnt feel well so i slept. And guess wad? i overslept >< In the end didnt go then kx had to come my house =P

wanted to go sim lim with kx check out the prices of stuff all these but in the end kx dl somthing then i can finally watch "borat"!!! And so we watched until arisa called and say lets meet at pasta mania at J8.

i ordered some lousy pasta call carbo kana sai and it was really kana sai. lucky gin and arisa could not finish thier meal so i ate thiers ^^ aft tad gin pang seh us and i sent arisa off and i and kx go toa payoh play dota. But the lan there lik shyt la keep disconnecting next time dun go there again.

Went home and started feeling feverish. then today got fever when i woke up. totally cannot move sia, but i 'll survive =)

Oya i finally convince my father to buy new com YES!!! OWNAGE!!!!

ok tads all time to take my medicine cos im sick *in the mind*

sigh....i always blog at the strangest time. when i have alot of work unfinished. maybe blogging is an excuse for me to delay doing my dreadful hw. Afterall im a procastanist. *is that how u spell it?* lets see, i have my GP essay, AQ and summary, 2 bio SPA assignments and a bio test tmr, chem tut, and math so many uncomplete tuts * but not so bad, "not in syllubus anyway hehehe* ....not to forget a geog essay ques...=.=

this has been quite a hell of a week, ate sushi today and yest. yesterday was sakae sushi while today was genki shushi, in fact, i think i ate so much sushi *dam i keep spelling as "shushi" and sushimi that i am starting to look lik a fish *no i dun already look lik a fish thank you very much*

then also worried for my friend... i want to help him but nothing much i can do also other then support him when he needs it. but supporting him is hard too la cos of the bloody hw piling up. Today he ask me go out but i can't cos i have a god dam lot of hw....i am so sorry....i wish i could help more...

sian i hate my life now. All im able to do is mug mug and mug. And im not even doing it all the time. Every free time that i have is spent on doing hw and if 1 day never do hw, it will pile up lik a cockroach multiplying....

k la dun complain so much, must quickly chiong as much hw as possible liao.

Friday the 13th

they say fri day the 13 is an unlucky day. for whatever reason do ppl say that i do not noe. what i noe is that it has certainly been a bad day and experience for me and my friends.


i may use some vulgarities below as i am really tulan with tad person. Maybe im wrong in tad its not my problem and i should not be commenting to much on it as i may not noe everything. However, based on wad ive gone tru with him last night, i think its enuf to noe tad she is an ass hole.


i met my friend last night. His gf or ex gf was creating a lot of problem for him and he was very disturb. And its not the typical breakin up situation. (i shall refer to "her" as bitch) that bitch was threatning to kill herself if my friend dun give in (i shall refer to my friend as dave). dave told me it all started when he was required to work for 3 whole days and could not call her as he was too busy. aft that she started fucking up and said fucking things lik she going out with her ex or wanting to break up. Apparently things were already not going smoothly in the relationship. from wad i heard, it was only a 1 sided love. The bitch was eating all the money dave had cos he paid for everything for her. He even took up the part time job so that he could get more money. Every time Dave had to give in when she throws her tantrums. She also said and did a lot of fucked up things such as getting dave to cut his wrist to prove his love and then him y he is still not dead. After that "work for 3 whole days" incident, things just went downhill.

Now he wants to break but she is threatening him with her life since then till now. 1 fucking whole month. that bitch treated him well enuf for a week or so and went back to torture him after making he sort of got back a bit of feeling for her.


bloody bitch i hope u burn in hell..


but tads was all in the past and to tell u the truth, i felt i was not ready to comment on her at this time u should noe y. however i did tell him tad this relationship cannot move on until 1 side is able to give in. In this case, Dave has already been giving in most of the relationship liao so the problems lie with her. They had a very serious argument the day be4 yest but apparently it was not teh first time. And the grudge was carried on to today.

dave told her he was going out with me today. she said u rather go out with a friend then me? i will kill myself. Dave got worried and tried contacting her but she did not pick. minutes later another girl used the bitch's phone to tell dave to fuck off and not disturb her. Some1 used her phone to sms "dun call my galfriend again or ye shall regret" and "Dun disturb us again im going to fuck her later" *yes that person used the word "fuck". At first i tell Dave to ignore it but then that bitch called and said:

"if u do not find me in 3 hours im going to kill myself"

A game. Using her own lif as something to be played with. How sick can any1 be? She somore did not tell him where she was. And so we traveled all the way to china town to look for this sucidal bitch. Dave keep calling her but she either did not pick up or picked up and dun say anything, leading Dave to belive that she may be dead. looking for 2 hours and she was no where to be seen. She claims her so called friends encouraged her to kill herself.

Dave was desperate and would not listen to my reason to calm down and think. And so the search went on. When his phone ran out of bat i lend him my phone. when she ans her phone she said mental things like: "i can fell the wind on my leg....u dun love me anymore.." i know cos Dave on the loud speaker for me to hear. Dave continued pleading with her. i felt a sorrowful sympathy for Dave as he continued to beg and plead even saying things lik wanting to see her 1 last time and that he would jump in place of her.

The final blow came. That bitch said she did it with a guy, a stranger. Dave coulnt handle it anymore and broke. he completely broke. lt me tell u 1 thing it was not a pretty sight. Dave, whom i never heard swear before yelled at the bitch tad she was fucking stupid. Those who stared were either stared off or shown the finger by me.

aftr that his mother called but he said he did not want to go home. i vounteered to let him stay overnight. In the end he agreed to let his mum fetch him but not without much coaxing. The bitch started calling my phone (she called more then 30 times) until i picked up and yelled

" U fucking chibai bloody hell not call this num again."

Dave's mother and siblings came to fetch him and send me home. the whole thing ended at 1.

As a friend i do not noe wad to do or am able to do anything...all tad i can do now is hope that everything will be fine...i have that bitch number and if she ever fucks Dave up agian i will give her hell.


"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"
-anonymous-

ok enuf slacking time for serious work. from today onwards i will be more serious in my studies and try my best to do all my hw using full effort.

today chem spa not bad. aallmmmoost fell for the trick ques but didn't. whew. anyway feeling kind of sick of doing work liao. last week chiong hw lik siao. only to realise that dis week still got so much hw. And is it just me or do the teachers lik to give work in advance? wah lau eh. we got so much work liao then just becos ask us to hand in next week u think we got time to do ar?

anyway today's accomplishment: Revise tru nitro compounds and and do the tutorial ques 1 to 4. not bad huh =)

ok thats all for tonight. good night and have a nice day tmr.

ok basically ive wasted my whole long easter weekend away... how did i do tad? well... its not tad hard actually....

k i shall sumarize it:
-spent whole night watching movies at nat's house on fri night.
-slept whole sat tru cos too tired
-slept whole sun tru cos too tired

my life sux, there are so many things i want to do but not enuf time. teh worse part is, there are i dun even have the time to do things tad i dun want to do. right now there is a whole pile of hw waiting for me *not to mention the math test tmr* and here i am blogging. sigh. i just wish time would slow down a while for me to catch up, especially for my studies. its not lik i haven worked hard uno its just tad the sch is bombarding us with too many things. i studied for chem and failed it. i studied for bio and failed it. this year im trying my best to do all the hw but is it of any use? nah. all my efforts for naught.

" i try my best but sometimes it is not enuf "

i mean, if im going to get these kind of shyt results even if i try to be a hardworking nerd i might as well dun even try right? i go home so tired and have to force myself to do my hw then there is no time to study even if i wanted to. Mrs tan said that doing hw is considered studying. thats bullshit if u ask me. maybe if the sch gave less hw i will be able to get myself to actually do some revision on my own but nooooooooooooo. The sch believes we are not capable of revising on our own and has to contol our lives at home and in sch.

"we are all mice in a maze"

trapped. There are so many routes to choose from but only 1 is the right way. The walls of the maze confines us, and restricts us to wad we do. it traps and controls us,and we are powerless to do anything but to search the walls for a way out. the walls guide our fate. Strange. it is as if the maze is fate itself, determining where we will go to. we may seem to have a choice; 2 diverging paths in a maze. But who was the one that decided which 2 paths we can choose from? The maze is the school system, controlling our lives and giving us only limited control of it while hypocritically claiming tad we can choose how to lead our lives.

i guess this is our life. This is our fate.